By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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