I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
