i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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