I'm gonna have a badass scar
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
