Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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