I think im going to throw up on grandma
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
