I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just forgot I was standing up.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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