can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
