Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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