pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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