I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
