His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
