When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
