please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize