Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
