hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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