I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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