Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
