Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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