that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
