dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
