Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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