So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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