Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
