I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
