why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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