Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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