also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
