I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
