he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
