textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize