she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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