Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
