my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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