he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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