Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
