hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
