He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize