I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
my liver is dry heaving
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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