Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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