There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
