i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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