Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
