rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize