I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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