My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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