Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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