I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
