She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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