She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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