Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
