his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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