Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
