how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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