well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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