The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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