Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
