my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
