Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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