You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
