just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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