now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
