My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
