Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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