yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize