Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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