it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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