So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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