some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
