i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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