So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
