I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
