You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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