I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
