return my video game
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
