i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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