Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
