This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
