Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
