we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
