I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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