i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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