is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
