lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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